No more excuses, or those bloody niches...

...just start doing. Oh wait...

… really sorry, that was meant for me. As is most of what I write.

But if it resonates for you, then you’re welcome.

So why am I yelling at myself about this?

Because I need to hear it, and maybe there will be something you need to hear too.

Stop looking for excuses…

I’ve come to realise I do this far too often. Search around for why something doesn’t feel like it’s working, or I’m not making any progress, or I just don’t seem to want to do something. Do you?

A couple of months ago I started this Substack account… and in the days (then weeks!) of trying to figure it all out, and what to write, I suddenly remembered that I’d already opened a Substack account on another email address… oops! I also remembered I’d struggled with what to write and how to get it all to work there too…

But this time I thought I had it figured out. I wanted to focus on a specific area, one of my niches - women’s Circles - so I kept on setting up here. You’ve heard the gurus saying it, “Niche down, find those small pockets you specialise in, be specific, share your story about those specifics, solve their problems, help them find solutions, the riches are in the niches!”

Huh.

Right.

Started trying to write.

OK.

Blank page.

What if you can’t focus on the niches? Or you have so many niches it looks like a rock climber’s dream wall, or something even a beginner scoffs at? What then?

I regrouped, let the squirrels have a field day (as if I have any real control over that!) and relooked at what I’d set up here. After much pondering, attempts to write posts, reading other people’s posts/newsletters, tyring to figure out the difference between a post, a note, and a newsletter, and write something down that actually made sense to me, I reshaped this account’s direction. As you do.

Why?

Because I couldn’t find myself writing about one niche, ad infinitum, regardless of how much I love women’s circles and what they provide. My brain just doesn’t work that way. So excuse number one was ‘booted’. Or was it?

Stop forcing yourself into a niche

This is what I finally told myself. Now don’t get me wrong, women’s circles are a very large and very important part of my facilitation work (The Circle of Us is my project in that realm) and future work. But the purpose of this Substack account morphed into what I’m basically now calling my ‘modern midlife crisis’.

I took to looking ‘inside’ at what I wanted to write about and wow, was it a very scary observation platform!

What I did find is that I enjoy writing in so many ways, but often it doesn’t actually follow any sort of format, nor a specific topic, for its entirety. For example you have no idea how many iterations this particular piece has gone through. Not even I do, I’ve lost count. (Note to self: check into what there is in the way of ‘version control’)

And I told myself ‘No-one wants to read that sort of stuff, it’s just… not worth it.’ And for all I know I could be right. Right?

So now I’d identified this excuse for not writing, I can’t force myself to write to a format (I so wish I could!) and stick to a niche. Nope, no specific topic, or niche, or subject or whatever manages to remain front and centre long enough to compose a piece worthy of publishing.

And here’s why…

(Re)Introducing the Squirrel Squadron

As I’ve already mentioned in the myriad of posts I’ve published (OK, there’s 3 but you should see the ones sitting in the ‘drafts’ of the lower branches of my ‘ideas tree’!!) it is only just very recently that I’ve learned that not everyone has a squadron of highly caffeinated squirrels constantly flying around, sometimes playing quidditch and the rest of the time chattering and running up with acorns or nuts or some other ‘gift’, and others who snatch those away and scurry off into the far distant limbs of the huge tree we all live in.

This was more than a realisation, it was a revelation. (And sorry, not sorry about the run-on sentence but it’s the reality of my brain)

I’m not neurotypical, but nor am I broken. I may be:

• talkative,

• insistent,

• weird,

• bossy,

• flighty,

• overly obsessed with wanting justice done,

• inattentive,

• driven,

• easily distracted (read bored here),

• chatty,

• able to solve problems in an instant (usually an emergency or life threatening situation),

• then give myself paralysis by analysis over what to write in a post,

• overwhelmed and overwhelming,

• creative,

• compassionate,

• loud,

• lonely in a room full of people,

• able to come up with witty repartee two days after an event,

• believe everyone hates me for what I did, or didn’t, say,

• believe it will take me ‘5 minutes’ to pack a box, and ‘5 minutes’ to empty a bookshelf, and ‘5 minutes’ to put a load of washing in the machine, and ‘5 minutes’ to books a flight to Bulgaria, and oh look, I need to check WhatsApp… it will only take 5 minutes… a week later and none of it’s done,

• remember conversations and moments had 33 years ago, but forget what I’d said I was going to the kitchen to do,

• able to swing through the emotional spectrum at lightning speed, and turn into a sobbing mess when simply hearing an amazing piece of music,

• great at managing major projects and high-pressure situations, but hopeless at managing to get myself into the shower and fed regularly.

And this is only some of it.

There’s also the squirrels. I’m only just coming to terms with the fact this is not how everyone else’s brains sound.

Seriously? How do you NOT have the constant chatter, a barrage of thoughts and 3 different things to get done all at the same time, as a minimum? How do you handle the quiet? (Oh how I long for some of that!)

Sometimes it’s soul crushing to think (most) others are not facing these daily challenges just to exist in today’s society.

So where to from here, after the ‘excuses’

Well, after having had more thoughts run through your head for the hour you’re trying to meditate in the morning than most people will have in a week, or longer, there’s only one thing to do.

No, wait… (chattering and squabbling, disagreements, a buzzing sound of beating wings) There maybe more than one thing, let me get back to you on that.

It’s also a quandary when you’re trying to figure out what you can and need to/should do to build yourself an income that will sustain you.

I’m not looking at flying around the world in private jets, or owning my own resort island retreat. I simply want to know I can afford the groceries and pay the bills while I do what it is I need and want to do.

Like help folks find what it is that’s going to make their difference, their real inner voice, start their ‘next chapter’, develop their solutions. Like hold space and facilitate women’s circles. And eventually hold and facilitate open circles. And coach. And teach other ‘modern midlife crisis’ candidates how to use their tech. And help them with guided meditations… and…

All whilst hosting my hoard of squirrels.

And one could say I’m giving myself 16 more Excuses, if one was so inclined.

In summary…

Identify the excuses.

Evict the excuses. (unless they’re, you know, squirrels, and permanent residents)

Get on with it anyway.

There’s been a whole lot of other stuff I wrote, but I’ve cut it, as I figure if you got this far it’s amazing, and I thank you for sticking it out.

If you have a neurodivergent brain and stuck it out, extra big gold star to you!

But in all seriousness, this is what I, a woman who’s just discovered after more than 6 decades that her brain’s wired differently, and her Human Design is Initiator (Manifestor), lives with going on in her brain, day in and day out.

I love writing.

I hope something I’ve written resonates with you.

If you relate to any of this, if it sounds similar to what is going on in your head, let me know.

If this sounds like someone you know and you want to know more, perhaps how you can help them cope, let me know.

And now, after more than a few weeks of rewriting, rereading, and cutting and the like, I will ‘Continue’. Thanks for sticking around, and talk again soon.

And my ‘photographer squirrel’ wanted to say hi!